Love and fear
by AragornsEvenStar
Summary: SLASH Harry/Draco. Draco doesn't want to be a DeathEater...Harry is missing him...What is going to happen? Please please read/review!!


Title: Love and fear  
Author: Mariana  
E-mail: Mariana_06@hotmail.com  
Pairing: Harry/Draco  
Rating: R for language and mild sexual situations  
Timeframe: 7th year  
Spoilers: none  
Archive: yes,I'd love to have this fic somewhere. Let me know first,though.  
Warnings: Angst/Slash (duh). Oh,and it's sappy! :))  
Summary/Notes: Draco doesn't want to be a DeathEater...Harry is missing him...  
What is going to happen? Please let me know what you think!   
Disclaimers: all the characters belong to JK Rowling.  
---  
  
Draco was crying aloud. He knew he would probably be heard. He was at one of  
the corridors,and someone could show up soon. It was right after  
dinner,after his fellow Slytherins had been to the dorm,as well as the other  
houses. Draco had been in the dorm but then left. Crabbe and Goyle were  
talking a lot,they just seemed not to want to shut their mouthes,and Draco  
wanted to be alone.  
He _needed_ to be alone.  
The memories which came from his mind were terrible ones. His seventh year  
at Hogwarts was starting and last Summer had been his worst. After Voldemort  
had come back to life,and the Death Eaters were back with him,Lucius Malfoy  
was obsessed in making Draco a Death Eater too. Since 4th year,there were  
lots of talking,of cursing,of quarrelling,but Draco didn't want to be a  
Death Eater. One thing was to bug Harry Potter and his friends and to behave  
like a naughty pain in the ass - another,and completely different,was to  
join the Death Eaters and become real evil. Draco was just a naughty  
teenager and extremely egocentric - but not evil. He had hated Harry for not  
wanting to be his friend - it was kind of a pride thing - but he didn't want  
to hurt or kill him just like Voldemort.  
Draco remembered the last talk he had had with his father.  
"Well,Draco,you have one year to think about it. This year you are going to  
graduate from Hogwarts. Then,if you don't join the Death Eaters,you're not  
my son anymore. I'll disown you. 'cause if you're not by our side,you'll be  
against us.",Lucius had said coldly and it hurted Draco to death. He didn't  
know what to do. He cried,thought,wanted to kill himself,wanted to kill his  
father,and had no idea of what to do. They were in October,and it meant that  
he had until next June or July to decide. Draco was afraid of Voldemort  
killing him - or even the Death Eaters doing that - if he didn't join them.  
But deep inside himself he knew he didn't want to be like his father. He  
didn't want his life to be like that shit.  
After some time of crying and thinking,Draco went back to his dorm.  
---  
Harry Potter was in his last year at Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione had noticed  
he was sad like never before. Since the term had begun they had seen Harry  
with red eyes more than once. Seamus had told them something like hearing  
him cry as well,and Dean,Lee,Neville and Parvati were with the same question  
in mind: "Why?"  
After a month,Ron was tired of seeing Harry with those terrible red eyes.  
And asked him again what had been happening,even knowing it had been the  
hundredth time he asked and Harry would probably say nothing as usual:  
"Harry,please...what is the matter? Why are you always crying? Is it because  
we're going to graduate? Because you are going to miss this place?"  
"No,Ron...I'm fine...just leave me alone..."  
"No! I won't get out of here until you tell me what's wrong with you! You're  
not fine,for God's sake! You're my best friend and I just can't stand seeing  
you like this!"  
Harry looked at him and smiled a bit:  
"Thanks for your friendship,Ron. For everything."  
"You know you can count on me.",Ron said. "And I'm worried about you."  
Harry seemed to think a little. He knew Ron would be the best person to  
listen to him. But he was afraid to tell...  
"OK.",Harry said finally. "Can you meet me at midnight at Gryffindor tower?  
Then we can talk with no interruption."  
"Fine. But Hermione wants to kno-"  
"No! Just you. It will be already difficult to tell you - worse if she's  
coming as well. You can tell her what you want tomorrow. But not tonight."  
"Uh...OK...",Ron was puzzled but agreed.  
The same day at five to midnight,Ron left the dorm to meet Harry. He thought  
they were going together,but Harry had told him he wanted to stay some time  
alone before. He had left their dorm at ten o'clock and wandered by the  
Forest,and the dark forbidden corridors of Hogwarts.  
At midnight,Harry was at Gryffindor Tower. Ron hadn't come yet. Harry went  
to the door and observed if he was coming. Not a sound. But some seconds  
later he heard yelling. It seemed like Ron. He seemed not to be scared but  
very angry. And then Harry realized Ron was not alone. He went down the  
stairs.  
"What the fuck are you doing here at this time,Malfoy?",Ron yelled. "Can't  
you stop bugging me at least at midnight?"  
"What the fuck are YOU doing here,Weasley?"  
"Not your business!!",Ron was red in his face just like his hair. And then  
they stopped quarrelling when Harry met them.  
"What is the matter here? What are you doing here,Malfoy?"  
"Not your business,Potter! Oh...and you two are going to meet to fuck,huh?"  
"Fuck YOU Malfoy!!!",Ron yelled again.  
"Fuck YOU Weasley!! You're a poor piece of shit who can't even buy some  
clothes to yourself!"  
Harry held Ron before he could hit Malfoy. Then said:  
"Stop it,both of you. Malfoy,get out of here. Here's Gryffindor,and I don't  
know what are you doing at OUR tower."  
"Fuck you both",Draco said and left.  
Harry looked at Ron as Draco left. "Come on".  
They went up the stairs and reached the top of the tower.  
---  
After Harry told him his problem,Ron was astonished:  
"WHAT?!? You and this...this...piece of shit? Harry,are you telling me that  
you and Malfoy had an affair last term?"  
"Yes,Ron. That's exactly this. We met by accident one night and started to  
fight after some discussion. But it all ended up in sex...he said he wanted  
me for a long time...that he was hypnotized by my eyes...he was very  
romantic indeed...we met in the nights for about two months...but one day he  
woke up and didn't speak a word at me. I owled him many many times,but never  
got an answer."  
Ron was becoming completely mad:  
"This piece of shit! I'm going to..."  
"No,Ron...I don't want you to do anything to him...I just needed to tell  
you...promise you won't hurt him?"  
Ron agreed,but his true desire was to strangle Malfoy for making Harry so  
sad.  
"So are you in love with him still?",Ron asked disgusted.  
"Yes...I am..."  
Harry was lucky Ron had no prejudice at all for him being gay. Ron told him  
Percy was as well and that his brother and Oliver were a couple. Harry was  
very surprised but found it nice to both of them. Ron was the only one who  
knew about Percy and Oliver and found that totally normal.  
"It's not because you're gay.",Ron said,"Of course not,Harry. But MALFOY?"  
"I love him.",Harry said. "And he wanted me just for sex,that's what I can  
deduce. When he got tired of my body,he left me."  
Ron said it was going to be OK,hugging his friend,and they left the tower.  
They hadn't heard the footsteps in the stairs before they went down.  
---  
Even if Harry hadn't told him,Ron would know there was something very  
strange happening. Harry and Draco didn't quarrel anymore. Didn't fight at  
Potions. They were just ignoring each other,as if both were very scared of  
looking into each other eyes. No look,no talk,no fight.  
Just the letters Harry continued to write him and never had a single answer.  
---  
At Christmas break,Ron went home just like Hermione and most of the  
students. Harry was going to stay in Hogwarts as usual. Ron had invited him  
to spend Christmas with his family,but Harry didn't want to go. Ron knew he  
was still sad because of Malfoy,and didn't insist.  
Harry got really surprised when he noticed Draco was going to stay as well.  
It could be the perfect time for them to talk. Now Draco would not escape  
from him.  
---  
Christmas day was nice and full of presents for Harry. And,by the end of the  
day,he saw Draco in the gardens. He was alone and seemed to think about  
something. Harry could bet he was sad. He got out of the castle,hating this  
submission,but he was in love and couldn't help to be near Draco.  
"Draco,I need to talk to you.",Harry said,and Draco tried to leave,but Harry  
grabbed his arm. "You're not going to leave before I talk to you."  
"Let go of me,Potter",Draco said. He avoided to look into Harry's eyes.  
"Why?"  
"What?"  
"Why don't you answer my letters?"  
"Because I don't want to.",he said but was clearly lying and Harry noticed  
that. He looked into Draco's eyes and said:  
"Look at me,Draco."  
Draco didn't do. "Please",Harry said.  
"No!",he said and left.  
"Why?",Harry managed to grab his arm again.  
Draco looked at him deeply in the eye this time and said:  
"Because I love your eyes."  
He left and Harry sat on the floor,heart racing. But he knew it wouldn't be  
easy to convince Draco that they could be together. Harry could bet now that  
Draco was in love with him as well,but was very afraid of something.  
---  
Draco hadn't spent Christmas holidays at home because he didn't want to see  
his father. He kept bothering him about the Death Eater thing,and Draco was  
more certain that he wouldn't want to join them. But he was very sad because  
his father wouldn't talk to him anymore. "What kind of father was that?",he  
asked to himself.  
Usually Draco spent some time crying at the corridors. But this time Harry  
heard him.  
He was walking through the corridor and saw Draco crying. He seemed so  
miserable that Harry sat down beside him,and took him into his arms. Draco  
made no move. Just wanted Harry to hold him like this.  
"What's wrong?",Harry asked while stroking his hair.  
Draco told him everything. He was feeling miserable really. Harry noticed  
that maybe he just wanted someone to listen to him - not that Draco was  
going to think better and come back to him. But he felt he loved the blond  
boy so much that he just wanted to help.  
"You don't have to be a Death Eater if you don't want to,Draco.",Harry  
said,afraid of him being by Voldemort's side.  
"I know Harry,but if I won't my father will disown me...will never talk to  
me again...I know he is bad,but he's my father after all..."  
"Did you try to explain to him your reasons?"  
"Yes,but he doesn't want to listen..."  
"What about your mother? What does she thinks of all this?"  
"She feels sorry for me but she won't leave my father's side. Problem is  
him."  
"And if you decide not to be a Death Eater?"  
"He will make me leave home".  
Harry wanted so badly to be with him again,and to say that they could live  
together...but said nothing. He just stood there,listening to him,helping  
him if it was necessary. By the end of their talk,Draco said:  
"Thank you for listening.",his smile was bright but still sad.  
"Not at all. I love you.",Harry said and kissed him softly. He felt that  
Draco wanted to kiss him back,but instead of it Draco stopped their kiss.  
"My father will never accept our relationship,Harry."  
"Is that why you left me?",Harry asked sadly,but he felt different this  
time. He felt that wouldn't be waiting for Draco forever. He was tired of  
being put aside,and even wanting so badly to help him and to be with  
him,decided to think about himself.  
"Yes...but not only for this...I don't know what to do about us...I'm  
scared..."  
"Why?"  
"Dunno...I never expected to be with a guy...and...with you...a year ago we  
were enemies,Harry...it all changed so fastly that I don't know what to  
do..."  
Harry noticed something but he knew Draco would never admit it. He had never  
said he loved him,though Harry had said it many times. And it was true. He  
loved Draco dearly.  
"You say things changed fastly...what have changed?"  
"Dunno..."  
"Is it the way you feel about me?",Harry finally asked.  
"I dunno,Harry!",Draco felt a little irritated. Maybe because he didn't want  
to admit he loved the raven-haired boy.  
"Do you love me?"  
Draco kept in silence. Then screamed:  
"I DON'T KNOW!"  
Harry felt hurt by the scream,and Draco said:  
"I'm sorry Harry. But you are asking things that I don't know how to  
answer."  
"You don't know or you don't want to admit?"  
Draco kept in silence.  
"I'm tired of being put aside,Draco!",Harry said in a higher tone. "I do  
care about you a lot,and what I get in return are letters that are not  
answered,you laughing at my friends and yelling at them,and no talking to  
me! I'm tired! I won't wait forever for you!",he said almost screaming and  
Draco had his eyes wide open.  
Draco looked at him in the eye and looked even sadder. When tears started to  
run through his face,Harry hugged him again and said sorry a thousand times.  
He was very submissive and knew he was wrong,but when they said goodnight  
Harry noticed that Draco had hugged him more tightly.  
"I cannot hurt him anymore.",Draco thought while observing Harry enter the  
Gryffindor common room.  
---  
Harry was sleeping when Draco entered the dorm. No other Gryffindor was  
there as it was still holidays. Draco had thought much and felt that he  
wanted Harry the same way Harry wanted him still. Draco stood there,looking  
at Harry in his sleep and then sat on his bed. He started caressing Harry's  
hair and Harry woke up in a sudden.  
"What is it?"  
"Shhhh...that's me,Harry...",Draco said and kissed his cheek. Harry felt his  
heart jump.  
"Draco?! What are you doing here? How did you get in?"  
"I observed while you entered the room yesterday. Heard the password."  
Harry looked at him smiling and said:  
"So...?"  
"I...",Draco said shaking. "I j-just...wanted you to know...that  
I-I...loveyoutoo",he said fastly,but Harry got it. His heart beated even  
faster. He looked into Draco's eyes and kissed him eagerly.  
Draco laid beneath Harry,and said between kisses:  
"Do you forgive me?"  
"Yeah...",Harry grinned. "You fool..."  
"Remember those nights we spent in the Gryffindor Tower?",Draco asked softly  
and full of memories. They had had a history together,though it had been so  
short.  
"How can I forget?",Harry said lovingly.  
They kissed again and deeper this time. They were becoming aroused.  
"Remember how you used to make me aroused?"  
"Yes...",Harry answered moaning. He was getting hard,very hard.  
"How I screamed your name?"  
"Yes...",Harry was crazy to make love to him. They kissed even deeper and  
started taking off their clothes. When they were completely naked and had  
sit on Harry's bed,Draco said:  
"I'm sorry,Harry...for all that I've done to you...I won't do this  
again...ever...I want to stay with you..."  
"You're a naughty little boy,but I love you..."  
Draco smiled to Harry and their lovemaking was tender and loving. Draco was  
caring like never before. He wanted to show Harry how much he cared. And now  
he knew he did.  
"Draco...",Harry said,after they made love.  
"Yes,love?"  
"If you do not join the Death Eaters you can live with me.",he said.  
Draco smiled though the smile was a little sad and said:  
"Do you think I'm going to be against you in this war? You have made the  
decision for me,Harry. I won't join them. I don't want it and my father will  
have to accept it.  
And I don't want to fight against you."  
Harry grinned and held Draco in his arms. "I want you to live with me after  
we graduate. Love ya..."  
Draco grinned at him and,by his grin,Harry knew that his invitation had been  
accepted. 


End file.
